RAISING STRONG WILLED KIDS & CREATING A SELF-CARE PLAN{EPISODE 3}

Updated: Sep 21


RAISING STRONG WILLED KIDS & SELF-CARE {EPISODE 3}

This episode we are kicking with my homegirl Priscilla we are talking about her role as an Behavior Interventionist in the public school system and her transition into homeschooling. We discuss how we our raising our strong willed kids and the self care strategies getting us through it.


Enjoy raising empowered people ! Your Host Tiffany Sandoval

SELF CARE RESOURCES
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Transcript:

Tiffany Sandoval

Welcome to the homeschooling Homegirls podcast. Join us as we take up space by sharing our BIPOC experiences in the homeschool unschool world. I'm your host, Tiffany Sandoval. I spent most of the last 19 years in the homeschool unschooled world listening to the advice from narratives that did not include me or anyone that was not from the white or white adjacent lived experience. This podcast is about elevating the voices that for far too long, have been silenced in the name of white fragility. My hope is that by sharing our stories, others can see that homeschooling and unschooling is one of many paths to raise empowered, educated people. stories will be shared from lived experiences, not theories, and different perspectives are encouraged to grab your coffee or your cocktail. And join us as we expand our perspectives.


Welcome to today's episode as we kick it with our home girl, Priscilla homeschooling mom of three We're going to talk about her role as behavior interventionist in the school system, or path to homeschooling. We both are going to share about raising our strong willed kids, coping and self care strategies that have helped us. We hope you enjoy this episode. Let's get into it.


Tiffany

Good morning. Thanks for being here. Thanks for always being at home gracchi count on. So I guess the first question I want to start with, what was it like being a behavioral interventionist?


Priscilla

I worked with kids as young as kindergarten, and I would sit with them and they would be punished if they couldn't sit for at least 15 minutes during circle time. So they needed someone like me who was the behavior intervention is that would help them be able to sit during circle time. And so a lot of these kids were labeled as I like problem, children and or not capable of being able to function in a school setting. But after a few years, I started noticing, you know, these kids are just being kids and everything that I learned in college about children's development sitting down for eight hours in a classroom setting and nor asking kids not to talk or not to play for eight hours a day, five days a week, that's not developmentally, like appropriate for good. So I started questioning a lot of like, you know, I think yes, there might be some behavior or you know, or some like cognitive issues with some children. I understand that, you know, we have special needs, but really, I think a lot of this like, these behavior issues are because the school system, it's like, if they don't meet that requirement, like let's say, sitting down for 15 minutes during circle time, like who came up with that, who came up with like, a kid needs to be able to sit down for 15 minutes during circle time or an hour, and if not, then they have behavior issues. Really, it's the school is not designed for children. It's not designed for all children and then typically Expect all children to act the same until we act the same and to function. The same is unrealistic.


Tiffany Sandoval

How did you start homeschooling?


Priscilla

When Noah, my oldest was ready to start kindergarten, then the question was, okay, what are we going to do for school? Like, are we going to put them in school? I mean, I guess that's what you do. You put your child in school and you have to start looking for schools. But I knew that there is some I wasn't sure about the school system. And so I started questioning my sister in law actually, was, was telling me to consider homeschooling. And so that's sort of where I started getting the idea of like, because I wish that homeschooling was like independent study or something that people do. Because either, you know, they're behind in school or they're, they have behavior issues, you know, and then they just have to do independent study. I never really knew much about homeschooling,


Tiffany

That's kind of how I was brought into homeschooling to my aunt homeschool my cousins, but they're really religious. And so I thought that you only could homeschool through a church or something. And I was I was 17 when I started considering homeschooling, right? Because she was helping me raise Jade . She's the one that showed me about like, breastfeeding and vaccinations and, like eating healthy and like because I was pretty much out of control before I had Jade. And so she would I remember her taking me to the first Park day and I'm looking at all these people and I'm like, this is weird, never seen anything like that. In the end. They all sit in a circle and the kids are all playing. And I was like until that park day I thought it was like you had to go to church and like, oh, like, Yeah, I thought it was gonna be like Sunday school or something. The image that I had before what homeschooling was and I still feel like even though it's almost 20 years later, a lot of people still have those same ideas.


Priscilla

I knew about homeschooling was my friends who would get in trouble at school and now they had to do independent study. And it was like they were kicked out of school and then that's when you would homeschool. If you were like a troublemaker, you know, so I never thought of like homeschooling as an option. And then when I first was introduced to homeschooling, what was this like? Noah's 11, so about six years ago? Right? Something like that. Yeah, yeah. Um, yeah, the majority like just even in LA six years ago. A lot of it was religious based groups that I would find. And that was not our group. But you know, when you're just getting started, you have no idea like how what to do so you're just trying to find people who are doing it and then you just go and join whatever group you can find at this point. Um, but yeah, homeschooling is very different and I don't think a lot of people really know anymore. are educated enough, but even like now six years later, so we've, you know, created so much. There's so many more groups and, and ways to homeschool which is really great


I reached out to you to you with a couple of topics but one was the way you are raising one of your kids because she reminds me so much of myself. Like, she walks into a space and she's not asking permission. She's not quieting herself. She's she's allowed to be her full self without restriction. And I know that now that I have one of those kids, my youngest, it's acceptable because he's a boy. I think sometimes when we go into spaces, he can act and come fully. And yes, people may not like the way he comes in or hold his space, but they kind of dismiss it like boys being boys, or you know, and I think when a girl does that she's labeled as being either a mean girl or she's being labeled as bossy, right? Yeah, right bossy and and I know sometimes people pull you aside or tell you certain things and you always have her back. And you never try to make her less to make everybody else feel comfortable. Oh, that's healing for me


If we just let children be themselves and who they are naturally like then we would I don't know have a better world.


Tiffany

Yeah, I think it'd be less for them to heal from.


Priscilla

Yeah, I know it. Yeah. And I think I think the problem with parenting honestly, and this is why I don't like labels and stuff. And or like, saying, Oh, we follow this style or even with homeschooling, like we don't follow a specific style, like we just do us you know, like, we just Do what works for us. You know, the Luna family we do Luna schooling, I guess, you know. But I think with parenting and you referring to one of my daughters is, is just who she is naturally. And I think all three of our kids, they all have their strengths and their talents, people see them and are amazed by them, not because of anything that we've done, necessarily, but it's more of just, it's what we're not doing, you know, so it's like, we're not interfering with their development with their character with their personality. And we're just here to support who they are, naturally. Does that make sense? So it's not like, I guess, you know, with our kids, like we empower them by supporting them. And I think the less we do his parents, the better Now I'm not saying like in a permissive kind of way, where you Don't teach your kids morals and, um, you know, right from wrong and you know, like that, like, I'm not saying like, just let your kids be wild and don't teach them stuff. No, like we absolutely discipline them. There's natural consequences that happen naturally. Like, we teach them, you know, right from wrong. We have a lot of conversations with them. But what I'm saying is, a lot of times we interfere with kids. And that's where it's like, that's where you where you have a lot of like suppression and issues with behavior. For me personally, I think behavior comes from when kids act out it's because they're one they're still developing thing emotionally, you know. And their brains are still developing. kids do kids thing because they're kids and they're growing up. their sense of reasoning. Isn't fully developed. So you as an adult might think, like, what the fuck? Like, why did you just do that? Because your brain is fully developed in that area, you know that that's not good to do, but they're still learning and they're, you know, little scientists or they're learning from cause and effect and they're, they don't, you know, have that same reasoning that we do. So that's why as adults and As parents, we guide them and we teach them. I just think the more that we just let our kids be who they are, I think the more empowered they will be, and I see what you're talking about. With my daughter. Um, it's interesting because we had a we had a lot of like when she was little, and I was even, you know, our parents and our family had a would have a harder time with her because she spoke up a lot because and we let her because she is a type that will ask questions or ask why and ask, you know, which I have no idea why adults and people in general don't like kids asking questions. Like, that's just ridiculous. Like, that's not that's this is an opportunity to learn, like why do people have such a hard time when kids ask questions and or are you know,


Tiffany

I think it's because as adults, like we don't ask questions a lot of us. I know me included, like sometimes, you know, between the daily like, keeping our marriage alive and like working and cleaning up after everybody and taking like, we stopped questioning and I know for me with Logan, like, he asked, he's the kid that like, if he senses you don't want to talk about something, he's gonna want to talk about it, you know, or if he's gonna push and so there's a lot of times I need to stop what I'm doing and like, have the conversation and it's kind of cool and frustrating at the same time. time sometimes because the way he views the world It makes me look that I stopped looking at it that way, Jade & Dylan are six years apart, and Dylan and Logan are eight years apart. So we've kind of had to do this three times. I'm raising Logan very differently, but a lot of that has to do his will. Right. Like I don't, there's not a lot I can change, nor do I want to, but a lot of the times, it's like, if he digs in, if I push, like, he just digs in where my other two are more like water, like if I was uncomfortable, or things weren't like, I could kind of navigate away from it. You know, or go give them something else or do something else with Logan. Like he, when it's in his head, like his will is so strong, it's there. It's gonna happen. Like there's no I can try to take things away. I can have natural consequences. He can get hurt by doing what ever it is that he's gonna do and he'll still do it. You know, that's just kind of who he is as a person. That's who I am as a person.


Priscilla

Yeah. So I think with Yeah, with children like that. That's where you instead of suppressing them and think you're doing this wrong, you're too much or this is like, you know, it's teaching them how to use because those are strengths, you know, and like teaching them how to use that passion, that desire that will that they have. And knowing how to like how to use it safely, right? Because that's like, you don't want to suppress that in them. But you also want to teach them and guide them like, because there are some, like, there's a place and a time for things too, right? So teaching them I feel like that's where what we try and do with our daughter is like, I hear you, I know you're passionate, you feel very strongly about this. But this is not the place or This is not the time to do that and we respect and honor your decisions, but you also have to know that when to use it and you know that as passoniate . As you are about it, you the reality also is that we work together as a family. So as much as you want this toy or as much as you want this to happen, or whatever the situation is, is, you know, having those conversations with like, you also can't always get what you want. And that's also not the reality of life, too. So I think there's that like right there, where you have to guide them and set those boundaries also, because then you do. I think you also if you kind of cater to all their needs, and always are like, well, that's what you think that's how you feel. And we're just going to do that. That's also I don't know, for me not healthy.


Tiffany

Oh, yeah, I totally get it because I did that. Like I I created the perfect little monster doing that. Only because I didn't know how to like, man. It's funny like he's a kid. That My closest like me, so we figured I would be able to handle that better. But I also think he brought out in me all these things I had suppressed, or I had been told were bad about myself. So I am an all or nothing, so I swung too far over, right. And when I finally realized what we were creating, it scared the hell out of me. But it also was like, Okay, I need to like roll back in like, it can't be everything, because it became easier just to give him his way, you know, or just because he would rage or he would hurt himself or hurt somebody or, and then when I made the switch to start putting those boundaries because it wasn't working for everybody. It wasn't working for Dylan. It wasn't working. For me. I was by the by 10 o'clock in the morning, I would be so depleted, because it would start it, you know, would just go on for a long time. And I also felt, I did this silently. Like I didn't tell anybody because I just felt even though I had raised two other kids, I already knew I was being judged just for who he was. And so I didn't feel safe enough? Or I would tell people and because they wouldn't see it because I was very careful to like with Logan, we weren't in spaces very long because they knew after 30 minutes an hour like a meltdown, what would you'd be overloaded, which was hard because Dylan would want Dylan super social. So I would go to a park day, and Dylan would want to be there all day. But then I would have Logan and I knew that he could only last hour at the most. And so it was a lot of trusting dealing with certain friends that I'd be like, okay, I'll be back or, or going somewhere in the car or driving somewhere else and letting Logan have his meltdown. And then coming back. I feel like in the in the homeschool world, when you create a community and your kid is the one that is different than all the other kids, you get labeled and that kid gets labeled. And that label follows that if you're going to stay in the same community, it follows them and I didn't want to start creating that for him. So there was a lot of fear and a lot of wondering why I couldn't figure this out because I didn't have the coping skills to deal with it. I think too. At the time, Jade was a teenager Dylan was like a kid going into like tween age. And then I have this like baby who's commanding more time in space. And those three, so juggling them was really hard and then working. So that's why I think when I see with with your daughter like it is, because you're juggling two, you have three kids very different personalities. They're closer in age. So where I had my spread, where I'm like, well, geez, a teenager, she understands, right, your kids are closer in age. And so I see you juggle a lot when we're around each other where each kid needs something different. And it's like you're calm.


Priscilla

Yeah, and I think, you know, children at a very young age, they're natural, egocentric because what you say where they actually are not capable, like physically, like biologically are not capable of to see outside of themselves. You know, so I think a lot of parents understood that and people knew and understood children's development. I think he wouldn't be as frustrated because he would be like you would understand okay. They really can only think of themselves, they really just can't feel for other people or see other people's perspective. Like they just see the world from their eye. So then I think you learn to be a little bit more patient because you're, you understand developmentally where they're at, and you saw guidance, and you still, you know, discipline, you have natural consequences, you can do that in a direct in an unhealthy way. So something that we always, you know, with the children, when we're talking to them, is we talk about relationships, we talk about, you know, our individual relationships with each other. And so whether it's like when there's a disagreement or argument or something where we're having a really hard time, we always say, Okay, well what is this gonna do for our relationship? How is this helping our relationship? You said this to me, and that really hurt me. And so you have to be very careful with with how we speak to one another, you know, and what we say to me that because I'm a person I'm not just mom, like, that hurts me what you said to me, or I feel like I do this for you. But when I asked you to do something, you know, you don't want to, you know, so you have to understand that you and I are building a relationship and what kind of relationship do we want to have? So we have those kind of really, you know, conversations or even when the kids are fighting with each other, I'm like, Okay, how does that make your sister feel? When you're treating her this way? You know, so I think we always go back to relationships, and we ask, you know, ourselves, like, what do we want to build? Like, do we want to be closer? Or do we want to be further together, you know, further apart because what you're doing is not wanting me to be around you right now. And I think that in general, everything that we do with our children on a daily basis, preparing them and how they interact with their future partners, or just friends or co worker. Girls are a boss that they may have, you know, or employees. So a lot of them Every day interaction that we're having with their with our kids is teaching them how to interact with people in general. So, I think it is unrealistic to have these unrealistic expectations of the kids, but also not teach them what it's like to be in a relationship and how to like you. You have to learn how to work with people, you know, so we're, we are what is that we're practicing here at home, how to how to have relationships with people, and also just because you feel something and you want to say it, and you just, you're just being yourself and you just want to say it that also is not healthy. You know, because yes, you're speaking your your voice, but you might have just lost a friend, or you might just, you know, lose a relationship. So, as much as Yes, you want to be free and you want to be outspoken and you want to say things you also have to consider what it's like to have relations So people and there's a way to communicate your needs without being rude, disrespectful. I think I still need that.


Tiffany

I need to figure out that. Like, the biggest feedabacl I get from people that love me like I have, I speak bluntly and I'm in and I don't always think about what I say before I say it and then there's a lot of backtracking I have to do there's a lot of I'm okay, so I think in that for me, I'm going back and falling on my face and just being real and say, like, I you know, I messed up or you know, I'm sorry, but that doesn't always mean that relationships gonna be back just because I said sorry, you know, there's like a risk take. I'm being okay.


Priscilla

Yeah. And we talked about that too. Like, like, sorry, doesn't mean anything guys like your actions, speaks louder than your saris. So you can't just go and like hate your brother or like, you know, do these things and then be like, Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm Sorry, okay, yeah, you're sorry, but you still, you know, hurt this person or you still did this and that you lose trust with people you're gonna, these are the natural consequences that we're talking about, you know, there's a way to allow your child to be who they are without suppressing them. And with and them knowing that they're valued and their opinion and their thought matters, you know that they are valuable, not just because they're children that they're less than, or not just because I'm an adult, that somehow what I say is more important.


How have you done that? For someone listening like me , okay, I don't want to suppress my kid and I want to have a boundary. Can you gave the example of validating their feelings, and then also being very honest of what works for your family.


Yeah, I'll give you an example. So like my mom, when my child was younger, you know, she would speak up and she would talk back to me right? Let's take one thing like never talk back to your parents. You don't ever. You don't ever say you know certain things to your parents. Like that's how I grew up. I grew up in a very like strict household where you're the child, and you never speak up to your parents. Never tell your parents. Don't be disrespectful. Don't say how you feel. Don't talk back. You'll get, you know, punished for talking back. If you feel something, nobody cares. You're the you're the kid. Right? And don't ever say how you feel. Because you'll get in trouble or you just have to do what you're, you're just you just have to do what you're told. Nobody cares how you feel about it. Just do it. Right. Um, I'm a parent. So listen to me, because that's why why Because I said so. You know, like, all that kind of stuff. You don't do that. So so there's like, my mom said that when she sees my daughter. She was like, You she is a lot like you. And my mom said, but I was so strict with you that you weren't allowed to, like Be yourself almost things kind of crazy, right? So she was like, I see a lot of she was like, but I like she didn't like beat me. But she was like, but I like took it out of you because you were never allowed to speak up or say something right? And so that now like she sees my daughter, and a lot of people see her like, Wow, she's so empowering. She's so like, She's so amazing. What do you do? Like, I don't do anything. Like, I've just let her be who she is.


So, okay, an example would be if my daughter gets angry about something. And I think we've all I don't know, many of us have experienced this, but you know, they get angry and naturally we'll just say, right? Oh my gosh, I hate you. I hate you for this. Like I don't want to talk to you anymore. If I said that to my mom, ever Like, first of all, I would never tell my mom that I hated her, I knew that I would get in trouble, I would get punished I would you do? You just don't say that. You know, and the first time that my daughter said that to me, first of all, she's five or six. I'm 30. Something, I'm not going to argue with the five or six year olds, I'm not going to get on the same level as a five or six year old. Like, I need to set the example of the kind of attitude, that kind of environment that I want to provide for my children. I need to be that, right. So the way that I want them to react is the way I'm gonna react. Right? And it's the whole like, you treat people the way you want to be treated. So you want to be respected. You need to show respect, right? So I remember when my daughter said something to me and like, and let's just say, talking back to me, I think my mom looked at me and they're like, hey, you're just Gonna let her do that. Wow, like you What are you gonna do? You're gonna punish her you're gonna hit her you're gonna like, right? These are all like the natural things right that I grew up with. You never do that the way I saw it, and I'm choosing to break those unhealthy chains is Wow, my daughter feels safe enough to tell me that she hates me. She can look at me in my face and tell me that she hates me. Now I know what to work on. Now I know how she feels. And to me. That was I didn't view it as a bad thing. I view it as like, hey, she's overwhelmed. She has obviously has all these emotions. So I can sit down with her and her and I can dialogue and talk about why she hates me or why she used that word, which at the end of the day, they don't really hate you. They're just expressing themselves and they don't know another way. They don't have the words to say I'm hurt. And I think with that situation, it wasn't that she hated me is that she felt like I wasn't listening to her and she felt like I wasn't listening to the story that she had to tell me. And so it hurt her. So her five year old six year old way of communicating, I'm hurt. That made me sad was to yell, I hate you, mom. And then you know, providing that space for her to feel safe enough to tell me I will take that over her being silent, going to her room and hating me internally. I were I would never know that she had all these feelings. But that was me. And I remember I talked to my mom about that. I said, Mom, I would and everybody would say personal years you were such a perfect child. You never spoke back. You're always so respectful to your parents being respectful meant to being quiet, not saying not talking back not saying how you feel and not dealing with your feelings, and literally just going to my room and hating my parents internally. Right. And so then I never had conversations with my mom about how somebody They made me sad or how I was feeling I didn't like what she said or how what she said to me hurt me. I just kept that inside and it was an internal for years, and years and years of, like, hatred towards my parents or not feeling like loved not feeling like, you know, listened to or that my emotions mattered what would you rather have? If you think about it? You want a robot child who never speaks up? Who never says anything who's an obedient little girl who goes to her room and internally hates you?


Or, or do you want a child who feels safe? Because I would never say anything white because you would get punished, you get smacked, you would get hit. And end of the day they wouldn't listen to you anyways, you would just be hurt and go to your room and still not be able to express yourself and but You know, I'd rather just avoid being hurt, and just go to my room and hate my parents versus speaking up and then just being beaten or whatever spanked or whatever smacked and then go to my room and still feel the same thing. So would you rather have your perfect child who doesn't speak up and doesn't say anything to you? Or would you have a child who feels who you were, you've provided a safe environment where they can say I hate you. Which we know that that's not actually what they mean, you just don't have the vocabulary for it. And that you can sit down with and have conversations about like, okay, so tell me how you're feeling. What are you? Why did you say that? What? And then you can build a relationship and she's not in her room internally hating me. She then can process those. And I remember that day she's like, Mom, I don't hate you. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. You know, I'm sorry that I said that. But you know, I just felt Sad, or I felt like you didn't hear what I said. And so then we have that moment of reconciliation, and we can talk and then I can talk to her about like, Okay, well, when you yell, I hate you, that also makes me feel this way. But then I as an adult, also, I'm learning that she doesn't, that she needs, the skills and the tools to know how to communicate her needs. Because if you're raising children to not speak up, to not say how they feel, or if you say something, then you'll get in trouble. Then what about children who are put in situations where they're in danger, or where they're not in a safe place, but they feel like they can't come to their parents and tell them like real life situations because they don't want to get in trouble. Right. So then, like, I will take my daughter yelling at me speaking up, saying how she feels because I heard I can work through it. Then have a daughter who's perfect who says nothing, and it was obedient and never sticks up. Does that make sense?


Tiffany

I think yeah, I think as they get older, it's such a needed. I think it's really important that when you're having when you're empowering your kids to be who they are and have an authentic relationship with them, that that whatever it may look like or be judged out from the outside world because it's not fitting some like you're the parent, they're the kid or or it looks disrespectful to some people or whatever, because I always got with Logan, like, you just need to do X, Y and even when I wasn't asking for advice. Some people would just share what I needed to do with my kid. And I was like, and I always like you try it. Go try it with him because not gonna go anywhere. But what are some coping tools? Because they know or maybe you're just it doesn't bother. For me. I had to learn certain coping tools so that I didn't squish as well. Right and my coping tools look Sometimes I'll just go into the car, turn the radio really loud and scream and I lose my breath. Because I don't want to scream at him. And I don't want to tell myself I don't have these frustrations because I am frustrated. Or sometimes I just turn on the radio really loud and we just dance around and I just need to get physically, that overwhelming frustration out of me somehow. I'm doing better. But now he's almost eight, right? It's taken me almost always almost like almost nine years to figure out how to constructively Okay, from one side being enabling that he can do no wrong and he can do whatever he wants, and then swinging back the other way and saying, okay, that's not working, we need boundaries. But I also now have to deal with all these emotions that giving him his way I didn't have to deal with right because I would that would that's how I was moving through it. Though. Now I've had to learn ways of processing My feelings and helping him process his Is that what you're running does for you?


Priscilla

Oh, so you are saying? Like, how do you just like the stresses of everything? It's very easy to burn out as parents if we're not filling ourselves up, right and that's like, what I realized was that like, two, two and a half years ago, was I found myself like just exhausted and doing everything running around doing everything for the kids and like, because you do you have this pressure of like, want to be the perfect parent, I want to parent correctly and you know, educate correctly and you do all these things. And then some of you, you know, give your whole self to your children right when you're just being a mom or working parent or not working or stay at home. But what we forget is to take care of ourselves. So it's like, no wonder you're frustrated, No wonder your snap back. No wonder you're just exhausted and you're done and you don't have time to sit down and explain to your child anything, you're just done, you're over it. I think we are depleted and exhausted because we forget to Like fill our cups idea of like, you have a cup full of water. And you're like pouring water out to everybody, you know, because you're giving right as a mother as a role. But if you have an empty cup, it's gonna be really hard to give to those people around you to the people that are important to you to your children, to your spouse to your partner. So you have to continue you have to find ways to fill your cup so that you can get oh whatever that is. It could be like 30 minutes in the bathtub, it could be reading a book that you like, you can be talking to a friend for 20 minutes a day it can be and it's doing it without like that nagging when you said bathtub.


So when we moved into this house, we have a bathtub and I was so excited about it. But like my mom guilt, or my mom brain, like I couldn't feel comfortable taking a bath unless Logan took a bath first. So I didn't wastewater and I was taking a bath in his dirty bathwater. And like when I was sharing it with my friend, she's like, what? And I was like, I just feel like it's wasteful. I went really far down that rabbit hole of not taking care of myself, I really think until right now, like my 38 to 40 is when I started thinking about it, but that meant I spent from the time I was 16 to 38. Not ever doing, you know, for myself, because it was always for my husband or my kids or my mom or something. And I and I was so depleted. I was so exhausted. And I was so resentful. And so now but it but then you asked me because I would always say like if I had an hour or day to myself, I would do. And so when George would take the kids, I would just look at myself like oh, what am I going to do now? Like I don't even know where to go or what to do or what do I like? And so I would end up staying home and cleaning or staying home and doing something that had a productive outlet like I could show like at the end of this like this was done. And now I've learned that I do this with work like I'll just throw myself into work instead of focusing on what I like and so when you are Denise posts that you're outside running or doing elves it's really like a reminder for me and I think it's important to have those people in your life that like right now none of us can connect in person but we're all watching each other kind of take care of ourselves and like when I went to massage school, they talked a lot about like filling your cup when you're doing body work. And I've realized that like, lately for me, because I have a really big fear of going outside right now. It's putting on Eazy-E, like, Eazy-E for me it takes me back to being like a 15 year old boy wild child. Yeah, it's been my outlet.


Love it. Yeah. And that's your, you know, we all like individually in whatever position we are in life. Whether we have a newborn whether we have grown kids, you know, you have to figure it all looks different, right? For each looks different for us.


Tiffany

Because when I used to hear the term self care, I was like, Oh, you gotta go to spa or I'm not super girly. So I'm not going to take care of my nails or like all that but yeah, so I think like redefining self care is for me what I had to look like, what where was the last time I was like, gave me joy that wasn't tied to another person. Yeah, or another output of something like just pure joy. You know,


Priscilla

it's finding your happy place something that makes you happy. Something that you feel like, is literally giving you it's filling you up. So maybe listening to music and album. If that fills you up, do that, you know, like, if it's reading, if it's meditating, I don't meditate. I tried that. That's not my thing. You know, but some people it's like, they just need to silence for 30 minutes. And that fills them up, you know, I'm the opposite, you know, I need, I need to be doing something. So for me right now, it's not feeling guilty to leave early in the morning and get a run in a nature walk like that, that fills me up. I think when we fill ourselves up and take care of ourselves, we have a little bit more patience. And we have a little bit more of that energy to parent our children to deal with all of that. But I think also will have to say with parenting is that you need to just be real with your kids. Because I always he always had this idea that you have to set this like, you know, like don't show your kids emotion and like you need to show them that you're strong and you know, all that stuff. But I think like that's also not like real world stuff, you know, so I think I remember there was one time where I was like, so frustrated, I started crying. Like on the couch in the kitchen. And I'm just like, you guys, I'm just sorry. I'm just really frustrated. I'm overwhelmed. I have a lot going on today. And you guys don't want to get in your car, see? And I, you know, I don't I'm not bursting out at them. I didn't say, I'm just like literal. I was like, I remember I was just sitting on the couch and I just started crying. And the kids got quiet, you know? And there's like, Mommy, you can like, yeah, I'm so frustrated. Okay, I'm just, you know, but I think just let your kids see, like, you know, like, you too, and explain to them like, this is just really frustrating for me. You don't have to be disrespectful. You don't have to yell at your kids. You don't have to do any of that. Like there's, you know what I mean? Like, be real but I'm not saying like, be mean and rude to your kids either. Like and I know sometimes that will happen, but don't allow yourself for me personally. Like don't allow yourself to get comfortable where you are. Yeah, well,


Tiffany

Especially if that's been your normal like you said, you know, like we I was raised bc not heard and like I'm when I'm tired. There's a lot of things I changed raising Jade like because I didn't want to give her certain normals. But I'm not saying that when I tired that I don't fall back to what was normalized for me. And it's like instead of doing it I have to be very I have to be aware that it's happening before it comes out to me. And it's this gut like, I don't know, it feels like an adrenaline right when I know that. It's like, Oh, I'm getting to that point. And that's how I stopped myself from going there. Especially with Logan. Like I've never spanked Dylan and Jade. And I got really close to spanking Logan out of frustration, and it's because after the 15th meltdown, and I was like not having any sleep and and when I saw that, that scared the hell out of me. Because for me I never want to be my father. And so I've done all these things to not go down that road. One thing that helped me realize, to stop living in that fear, they accountability that even though that is my normal, I have a choice of where react and how I react. And so I've had to learn. When I feel that it's coming like one I have to be aware that had to allow myself to feel aware that it's coming, that feeling, and then I have to walk away. I had to learn. I thought that walking away was just good enough. But what I had what I realized that I was showing my kids in that walking away without a follow up conversation to that is that I was retreating. Like, they didn't understand why I would walk away, you know, and, and so we'd be like, Oh, it's because this is my normal. And I don't want to do that. So I'm learning I'm trying to find I'm learning to find a way and I got to pushback from sharing that with somebody one time because they were like, Well, like I was burdening my kids and taking away from their childhood by sharing my truth of the way I was raised on what's normal, but I don't see it that way.


Priscilla

You need to communicate. Yeah, sure and follow up with your child and let them know like, I am very angry right now. And I cannot be in this situation and I need to remove myself. So for sure, I follow through and for sure, having conversations with them. But it's also okay for you to like to share that you're human and you're totally that's all part of like real life that's part of relationships, and learning how to have relationships and say, I'm going to step away because I'm really angry right now. So I will come back to you once mommy gets her shit together.But right nowis not the time


Tiffany

I do not want to keep you all day but um so homeschool home girls at home school came from a video i think that i think it was you you posted a budget some home girls doing the dance.Yes right and we were all laughing to our group and oh my god that gave me so much life .


Priscilla

We still have to do the choreography to that we said we were gonna we were gonna to do.


Tiffany

Yeah we still do and that's in the in the welcome the music and when that yeah I did it's in the welcome but I also think that that's where this this thing came from because I keep I kept waiting for actually you know I was waiting for someone else to do this for a long time like somebody please create a space


Priscilla

No you always new to create your own if you don't see something or if you want to be part of it. Just make it your own making yourself do


Tiffany

What does Homegirls that homeschool mean to you like that hashtag What is that? Because I know for each of us, it meant something a little different. What did that mean for you?


Priscilla

Me? I think it's it's community and then coming together and helping each other supporting each other, think we all are different and see things and live life differently. To me, it's like a community, its support group, we all need support from each other. So I think when I think of that hashtag, I think of like, your, your support, like a support crypto, that's what it means to me. If anybody has any questions about homeschooling, and or parenting or anything that I have, that I've said today that maybe they want to know a little bit more about, I'm totally open. If people want to reach out and send you a message. I can do that. So maybe if you want to add my Instagram on there, and then people can reach out if they have any questions. All right, well,


Tiffany

Thank you for your time. And thank you. Thanks for kicking it with me and like, I love that background music sounds like you like each other The drums are playing. I've been in the room for you know, yeah, for a while. All right.


Okay.Thank you for creating, this space and you know for taking it on and thank you for the invite. I've never done a podcast ever since I you know. I was like, Sure I'll do it. I have no idea what we're doing.


I love that your that friend. I know that I'm like, let's go jump. Okay.


Priscilla

Fine, whatever. Where are you? Sure. All right. But that's one thing right? We're here to support each other. So we really appreciate you for creating that space and yeah, people want to reach out they can find me on Instagram.


Tiffany

All right. Okay. Tell your family I said thank you for your time for keeping them from you .


Thanks for kicking it with us today. Want to talk about homeschooling and unschooling in between episodes. Follow us on Instagram at homeschooling home girls. Enjoy the process, raising empowered people. You got this


Transcribed by https://otter.ai/referrals/MN3WEX5Y


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